Words To Live By

I am easily affected by words; simple innocent words that are so harsh to my ear that I break out in mental hives. Apparently there are people who can still run their lives without cracking when a word corrupts their space and I wish I knew how they do it.

In my convoluted little world a promising relationship can be destroyed if Adonis smacks his lips over a hot dog and says, “Great eats.”
Great. Eats. Couldn’t he just say, “That was good?” Farewell Adonis.

The only way to keep my life relatively free of grating word-isms was to marry a journalist who would never, ever use those hateful things on me and who had his own list of hateful expressions.

“I feel badly”, was one that turned that soft- spoken man into a raving lunatic. He’d make a groping motion with his arms and snort, “This is how you feel badly. If you’re discussing your feelings then you feel bad.”

When the kids started swearing, he insisted that the transgressor explain in detail what the word meant so at least the child was using the term correctly. We were all surprised to learn the meaning of “schmuck.”

Now the next is a regional thing or perhaps it was because I come from English parentage and we lived in a city but the noon meal is lunch, not dinner. And, the food served after an evening of entertaining friends in our home is not lunch but refreshments. Supper is a ten o’clock extravaganza after the theater, and come to think of it, I’ve never had the pleasure. Of the supper, not the theater.

The kids once came upon a sign they quoted to me for years, knowing it affected me like a nail on a blackboard-- “Tasty Eats Galore,” quickly followed by store signs such as “Big Gulp” or “Big Slurp.”

“For free.” What is wrong with the word “free”? Why stretch it out with that unnecessary addition?

“No problem.” Who said anything was a problem in the first place?”

"He goes," instead of, "He said." This one has probably made it into the records as valid but not with me.

In Canada we own a wonderful, literate broadcasting system, CBC. The only time I want to throw myself on the ground and sob is when someone being interviewed repeatedly says, “You know”. Damned if I do know and I was counting on that person to tell me what I am supposed to know.

Sheesh.