life as a Single lady
Twenty Decembers ago on my first Christmas without Hal, I thought I would never laugh again, or have a reason to get up each day.
We'd had a co-dependent marriage, frowned upon now but pretty common back then; we did most everything together.
I had it in my head that he had to know a lot more about everything than I did because he went out in the world and mingled with other adults every day.
Me, I mingled with my six kids all born in less than ten years, and there was little energy left over for much else, although I managed to crack two or three books a week.
I got an inkling of the life I thought I missed when when the kids were all reaching their teens and I returned to the work force.
I discovered that:
You can get most of your work done by noon if people would leave you alone and not insist on coffee breaks.
People make the same silly observations during coffee breaks at the office as they do at a neighborhood coffee klatches.
Turns out it wasn't so different from life at home.
I never learned how to cut off long-winded phone callers so I left any calling as well as heavy-duty house repairs to Hal.
After he died,I learned to handle any kind of phone call as well as how to not only turn on his computer but use it to do more than type a letter.
Then there was the VCR--I didn't know how to use it, or virtually anything electric except the kitchen appliances.
Along the way I carved out a new life and built a closer relationship with my kids; they are unique individuals and made their way into adulthood with grace and energy.
And something else--Hal used to worry about what would happen to me without him and it turns out there was this whole different person waiting to burst out.
There was so much to learn that I made a conscious decision not to marry again and I've stayed away from situations where I might meet someone who might alter my plans.
I learned to handle money quite well, never to drop in on the kids without phoning to see if its okay, to pay the taxes four times a year or they dun you, find a plumber when I can't do my own repairs and I'm pretty good with a lot of power tools.
I had the best of two worlds--I married a good man who worked harder than most to provide for his large family and I had the privilege of staying home to raise my kids.
After the kids moved on, we travelled whenever we could and that was a dream come true.
Now, it's another Christmas without Hal but I'm with our family; life's lessons have been sometimes awful but mostly sweet.
One thing I know--something fresh and new will happen tomorrow and it's fun to anticipate.
Never give up.
Merry Christmas.
