Tip -Toeing Into Spring

Ralph is always first in line and while this is an equal opportunity buffet, I did hope that I'd see more cardinals, sparrows, orioles and fewer Ralphs and grackles.


Meanwhile life at the swamp is busy. The geese are hatching out the babies now so there is a lot of big-deal flying-over-the-heads, ruffling hair just to ensure you walk fast and don't dawdle while they have work to do.

So, spring is unfolding as it should.

Depression

I believe I suffer from "normal" depression.

During a couple of pregnancies I experienced clinical depression for a brief period and it's like being trapped in a dark, deep tunnel with no sign of light ahead.

Now, I simply retreat into a sad spell, where I can function but a dark cloud is hovering.

It don't happen often or at any particular time and never lasts more than a few days.

I handle it without medication; it's not an unbearable time, just a sad one.

I tried exploring it with friends. My pals are of the senior persuasion like me and dedicated non-listeners so once I took off the lid, each one spilled over with the need to be first but I came away no clearer about it all.

Anyway, based on past experience I declare myself a "normal' depressive with occasional bouts of sad days.

I'm in one funk right now and I blame it on spring or the lack of it.

I know the drill in Ontario--the "spring" weather is up for grabs, blowing cold, colder and sometimes crisp and sunny and somewhere around the third week in May you know summer is on the way.

This year I need it sooner rather than later.


Eventually, I will again appreciate the beauty of small babies and the signs of tulips popping up and the delight of phone calls from friends and family.

In the meantime, I'm on hold.

About Chatting with Oneself

I'd often stop by the plaza early Sunday mornings before heading to the hospital to visit Hal.

That was when I noticed the Grey Ones, those few souls who don't want to be in the crowds that come later. They just want to be around a few other people before they quietly head home.

I began to notice this group when Hal's life was winding down and I wasn't in the mood to do my errands with lots of life around me.

Mostly the Grey Ones were women, some speaking softly while examining the wares on the shelves.

"Make a note for later," I thought, "Don't speak to myself when out in public."

Good idea.

Now that I'm on my own and have many attributes of a Grey One, I speak aloud to myself in public but not enough to alert the staff that I may need a keeper.

Don't know when I stopped worrying about it.

I like those moments when a fellow-traveler is chatting to herself, comparing the price between the peas and corn, then she catches my glance and knows immediately that I'm a member of the club.

We smile at one another and walk on.